KickStart (10/3/07)

I was excited for our meeting tonight that I went to City West earlier. When I reached the venue, I noticed that the music team was practicing for the event tonight. At first I was planning to study in the computer pool before the event starts. However, after some thoughts, I went into the hall of the meeting. I was thinking, Where could be a better place than to be in the presence or the court of the Lord, and I still can do my study here in the hall. I was so excited at first when I first entered that place that I started waving to all my friends in the hall. But it seemed like everyone is either busy or don’t care at all, except Mei Lyn. At the moment, I felt such a big intimidation rushed into me that I felt so bad. I thought I have chosen the wrong choice to be there or that I’m not supposed to be in the hall because I was not involved and they were practicing at the moment. Then I went over to the back of the hall trying to flip through my notes, as if trying to study. But I can hardly focus on my study because the intimidation kept drilling me on my mind. I was feeling quite down and sad that although in the midst of my friends, I still felt so far from them and there seemed to be something, indescribable thing, missing in my lives/heart.
After a few moments, I thank God that He heard my heart cry and sent my friend, Mei Lynn to keep me a company, even as I sat there trying to do my study. Strange enough, she said she only wanted to join me there and asked me to proceed with my study. I thank God for her sensitive care.
During the KickStart event, we sang a song, Still, during the worship session. I found it hard to sing each time it reached the chorus. I had no idea why, but somehow I can feel as if each time I was trying very hard to sing it out with my voice, it felt as if something from the inside was about to pour off. In the darkness during the worship, I let a bit of my tears off. This was the first time that tears ever rolled off from my eyes in the public and during worship.
After the worship, Pastor Chiew Har spoke about God’s pre-arranged plan to place us where we are now and that our presence and plan to be here is not just for ourselves alone, but also for someone else. As the sermon was about to end and the musicians were to take over, Willy walked to the front, preparing to take off to reach for the drums, and the camp T-shirt he was wearing captured my eyes. On the back of the T was written Jeremiah 29:11. Immediately I knew that God was trying to grab my attention and wanted to speak to me. I flipped open my Bible and it read: For I know the plans I have for you, plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future. At first I thought this word was given to others and little did I know that God was actually trying to covey this message and passage to me personally. It sounded just like a normal sermon, which I heard before.
At the end of the sermon, Sheena took over with song of worship. She led us to sing the song that I found hard to sing, Still. Again, each time it came to the chorus, I found it hard to sing and my throat just seemed stuck. The Lord led Sheena and Ps Chiew Har that they led us to sing that songs over and over again. I believe each round when this song was sang, God was working to breakthrough into our (my) heart, bringing me down to humility and brokenness. Tears were holding hard from within me and I wouldn’t let myself off, fearing of shame.
The platform was opened for prayer as we continued singing through the song. There was a strong feeling within my heart that I was supposed to step to the front to be prayed. But I was ashamed because I know tears would surely pour off uncontrollably when I was out there.
I noticed Alvin Teng walking towards my seat after he prayed for the people at the front. As Sheena led the song, she said that she sensed that there was another person in the room, on her left (where I was standing), who needed God’s touch. She encouraged that person to step out and she even prayed that God would still touch the person even if he/she was embarrassed to step out. With a sensitive heart she led us to close our eyes and to let that person left up his/her hand so that God could touch him/her. Without hesitating any longer, I lifted up my hand and tears rolled down my faced and my nose, as I bowed my neck, with my left hand on my face. That was the first time such tears ever flowed since long time ago. God really captivated my heart and I felt as if my burdens have been lifted up in my tears. At that moment too, a voice spoke into my ears that every tears I cried is precious in His eyes and each tears was written in a book of record in God’s library and each tears have their own meaning. As for me, I, myself do not understand what this tears were about but I do trust that God alone knew their meanings and He has answered them all.
Alvin ministered and stood by my side to pray for me, that I would have strength to endure all that I was going through.
With such mighty touch from the Lord I felt so revived, restored and strengthened. The Lord has lifted up my spirit and comforted me in His love.
With this great touch from the Lord, I also understood right at the moment what Ps Chiew Har meant from the words of preaching that God placed certain people in OxyGen in Adelaide, so that I would be ministered and blessed today.
PTL for such great mighty revelation.

After such great touch from the Lord, only now I understood God’s meaning of such revelation/vision that He deposited into Ps. Ashley, to form such international student ministry, OxyGen, in this church and in this city of Adelaide, to meet our needs in this land in a special and personal way.
PTL for such great arrangements.

No eye has seen, no ear has heard, no mind has conceived what the Lord has prepared for those who love Him. 1 Corinthians 2:9